Supporting someone being abused

Here's how you can help a friend who is being abused, or who is living in a family where there is abuse or domestic violence.

Keep in mind that supporting someone who's living with abuse is difficult. Remember that even people with lots of power, like the police and Courts, can find it hard to protect people from abuse, so this is not a situation that you can "fix" on your own.

What to say …

• Tell them you are worried about them and ask if they are okay for example, say 'I've noticed you seem really down lately, is everything ok?’
• Let them know that you believe them by telling them that, or saying something like "I'm glad that you told me"
• Reassure them that the abuse is not their fault by saying, "no one deserves to be treated like that" or "I think that what is happening is so wrong!"
• Don't push them to tell you details as they may just want to talk about how they are feeling, not what has happened. Also, you may find it too full on to deal with.
• Let them know there are people who can help. Encourage them to tell an  someone else who can help. If they aren't ready for this, let them know that there are anonymous help-lines, like DvConnect & Kids Help Line, that they can talk to.

What if my friend won't get help?

If your friend does not want to tell anyone or get any help, it can be really hard for you especially if you are worried about what might happen. Sometimes people choose to stay in abusive relationships and this can be frustrating for friends and family.

Usually the person being hurt just wants the abuse to stop. Sometimes they are fearful of leaving as their partner/family member may have threatened to hurt them if they leave.

Often the person being controlling or abusive wants to stop hurting the other person and does not know how to change their behaviour. Sometimes having someone encourage them to behave respectfully will be the changing point.